what do i learn in my 20s?

truly baffling to me how jumping into your mid 20s can be so tremendously liberating, yet feeling so trapped simultaneously. 

there is no one to tell you directly the dos and donts, yet you wish someone could tell you what to do and what not to do. you were given the autonomy to pave your own life on your own two feet, but the world is so vast you can only hope for the best you are making the right choices along the way. and if you do make the wrong choices, you have to live with the consequences. you learn to make peace with fate that there is no such thing as 'wrong choices'; but rather an alternative. 

there is no handbook or step-by-steps ikea manual in your 20s that could guide you on which screws go where so the foundation of your life does not crumble halfway through the moment you add a baggage a little too heavy for it to bear.  you learn to rebuild your foundation and lessen the baggage that it can bear because you have learnt from your mistakes. 

there is no guarantee that 20 years into the future planned out in your journal might work out, the uncertainties will somehow find it way in flicking one thing out of place, eradicating all of the remaining sense of control that you desperately hold onto, and suddenly you feel as confused as your 12 years self in your childhood bedroom contemplating life. makes you wonder if you actually grew up at all.   

there are no more rankings and cgpa in classes that you can compare to because everyone's paths are so distinct, yet you found yourself thinking you are not good enough and wishing you have done things differently the way they do while browsing through their instagram stories. you learn to understand everyone have their own pace and fighting battles that they don't tell nor show. 

there are no more restrictive schools and classes to keep our routines in place within certain time period.  you learn to create your own routine and put more efforts in connecting with your peers and friends. and along the way, these people come and go. you learn that nothing lasts forever and enjoys the time while they're still there.

but, 

there is always another day. another chances. you can stumble on your feet and fall on your knees over and over again. crying in your bed to sleep 3 nights in a row contemplating. 

you learn that you can always try again tomorrow. 

11.21p.m.